from: M. Bernard
to: judgettlewis
date: Mon, Jun 3, 2013 at 12:50 PM
subject: AFCC California Chapter Cocktail Reception Incident
Hello California Chapter President Thomas Trent Lewis.
I am the person you evicted from the AFCC 50th Anniversary Conference California Chapter Cocktail Reception on Thursday, May 31st at the JW Marriott Live in Los Angeles.
Fortunately, the JW Marriott's security officer was encouraging, kind and understanding. I was able to recover from the treatment I received and felt confident enough to return to the conference on Friday and Saturday (without incident).
My learning was not interrupted, so it's fairly easy for me to let this go.
However, before I do, I need to tell you that your (and your bearded colleague's) treatment of me was out of order. You and he, both big men, hulked over me while I sat at a table far beneath you. The size and positioning of your bodies alone was intimidating and disorienting. I don't think that it was your (or your bearded colleague's intention) to put your crotches in my face, but you were clearly violating my personal space. (I had just the day before learned about that in Manny Tau's informative and entertaining Risk Assessment Institute.)
You did not introduce yourselves. Instead, in loud, aggressive voices, both of you talking at once--hectoring, you accused me of being rude to another reception attendee. You did not ask me what happened; you did not want to hear my version of the events in question. I assured you that I would stay away from the person whom my presence was disturbing. Wanting to believe in your honor, wanting to immediately forgive the distress you (and your bearded colleague) had caused me, I extended my hand to you and you took it. Then you (and your bearded colleague) left me alone at the table.
When I felt I had sufficiently recovered from your and your friend's bullying, I was more than ready to leave the reception. I got up and walked through the doorway past Suzanne Dupee, who was talking with a group of other women. They were all staring at me. [It felt like a middle-aged Mean Girls (If you know the film, she was Regina George and I was Janis Ian)]. Because of my previous assurance to you, I did not return their simultaneously curious and stigmatizing collective gaze. I walked around the corner on my way to the escalators. I felt dizzy and sick, astonished and disappointed.
It was such a sad way to end what had been a stimulating and energizing day. I was gathering my strength to leave and face the two train rides home to South Pasadena. I was telling myself, 'Okay, it's not a big deal. They've known her for years; they're her friends and you are an anonymous new member. This particular event was social, not academic. And, if you had been given the opportunity to communicate your reasons for your supposed 'rudeness' to Suzanne Dupee, you might have sounded like Woody Allen in the opening scene of Annie Hall.'
I looked up to see you approaching with a man who looked like he might be hotel Security. When the two of you reached where I was now sitting, I asked you again, in his presence, to hear my version of events. You boomed, 'I'm not going to talk to you!' and then you rushed away. Thomas Trent Lewis, I am a human being and you treated me badly (in front of a neutral witness).
So, if you've changed your mind, and would like to know what happened (from my perspective), I'll be glad to share it with you. If not, that's fine.
I'm getting ready to write my evaluations of the conference. The conference was really enlightening and valuable to me, both as an individual and a professional. I am very grateful to have received a conference scholarship (based on my application and professional merits). I want to separate the nightmarish California Chapter Cocktail Reception from the fascinating sessions and workshops I attended, separate it from the words of vision and valor I had the privilege of hearing (including yours).
What I'm taking away from my experience at the AFCC California Chapter's Cocktail Reception is:
• While I have worked hard to forgive, and have pretty much forgiven, Suzanne Dupee's (biased/illegal/unethical/cavalier/sloppy) handling of a case that happened five years ago now, she is still extremely disturbed and agitated about it. Possibly, she feels guilty or continues to dread exposure--but I don't want to presume. That's something that would have to be investigated, evaluated... something that would take time and $$$...
• Because Suzanne Dupee was emotionally/psychologically upset by my presence at the AFCC California Chapter Cocktail Reception, it didn't matter to you, Thomas Trent Lewis (or to your bearded colleague), that I am a professional (with more than 25 years of experience in my areas of expertise), an AFCC member, and was an invited reception guest. Your disrespectful behavior toward me indicated that you believed, without any sort of rational inquiry, that it was reasonable and acceptable for you (and your bearded colleague) to attempt to bully and humiliate a 5'2", 95 lb. female, to treat me as if I presented a physical threat.
I think an apology would be in order.
Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
M. Bernard
from: Thomas Trent Lewis
to: M. Bernard
date: Mon, Jun 3, 2013 at 2:14 PM
subject: Re: AFCC California Chapter Cocktail Reception Incident
Ms. Bernard,
I'm sorry but I don't agree with your recitation. Hotel security intervened because you were stalking Dr. Dupee who complained that you used profianity [sic] toward her and stalked her in a menacing manner. I am not going to engage further with you concerning your false statements. Disruptive and rude, you created the environment that resulted in you being escorted by security. Sincerely.
from: M. Bernard
to: Thomas Trent Lewis
date: Mon, Jun 3, 2013 at 2:40 PM
subject: Re: AFCC California Chapter Cocktail Reception Incident
Thank you very much for responding.
I was not stalking; I was accused of stalking.
I was not disruptive and rude; I was accused of being disruptive and rude.
Sincerely.
